Friday, October 23, 2009

NYT: Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (2009)


Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Universal Pictures

Can't they play well with others? Chris Massoglia, left, and Josh Hutcherson in front of Michael Cerveris in “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant.”

Amid Vampires, Boy Meets Girl, Complete With Monkey’s Tail

Published: October 23, 2009

Darren (Chris Massoglia) has a life that’s hectic in the usual teenage ways. He’s a good student with a bad-boy best friend named Steve (Josh Hutcherson) and loving if somewhat intrusive parents. Darren’s afterlife, however, is a whole different story.

After a mysterious circus comes to town, Darren and Steve find themselves pulled into a long-running conflict between rival factions of the undead: the eccentric but basically decent Vampires and the diabolical Vampaneze. They enter a world whose inhabitants range from odd to sinister and beyond, a realm fraught with complications that will take many more movies to resolve.

This is the premise, and the hope, of “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant,” adapted by Paul Weitz (who directed the film and wrote the script with Brian Helgeland) from the first volumes in a popular series of young-adult, comic-gothic novels by Darren Shan. This frenetic, bumpy movie enters a crowded marketplace of book-based, youth-oriented fantasy entertainment and perhaps inevitably calls to mind some of its competitors, from the unstoppable (and soon to be concluded) Harry Potter series to, most obviously, the “Twilight”franchise.

Coincidentally enough, Mr. Weitz’s brother and frequent collaborator, Chris, has taken over that juggernaut of swooning adolescent vampire love, the second installment of which, “New Moon,” opens next month. Both “Twilight” and “Cirque du Freak” plunge a normal American high school student into a maelstrom of supernatural warfare, but “The Vampire’s Assistant” favors campy, semi-comic grotesquerie over hothouse romanticism. Its wandering narrative and quizzical blend of the outrĂ© and the everyday sometimes feel like David Lynch for young adults.

There are bright colors, garish costumes and stagy special effects, in keeping with both the circus setting and with Mr. Weitz’s not quite successful attempt to meld disparate moods and tones. (Speaking of tones, I should disclose here that the composer of the film’s score, Stephen Trask, is a friend of mine.) The movie starts out as a voice-over-driven satire of youth in the suburbs, with shades of John Hughes and “Heathers,” and then jumps from horror to melodrama to a kind of carnival backstage comedy.

At the circus, whose connection to the whole Vampire-versus-Vampaneze imbroglio is never entirely clear, Darren finds a squad of human oddities, including a bearded lady (Salma Hayek), a fellow with two stomachs (Frankie Faison), an indie-rock snake boy (Patrick Fugit) and a potential sweetheart with the tail of a monkey (Jessica Carlson). The show is presided over by an enigmatic fellow named Larten Crepsley, played by John C. Reilly with an exotic accent and a florid manner that express, above all, his joy at being liberated from regular-guy typecasting.

One of Crepsley’s fellow Vampires, Gavner Purl, is played by Willem Dafoe, whose hollow cheeks and funereal voice (to say nothing of his portrayal of the old-school freak Max Schreck in E. Elias Merhige’s “Shadow of the Vampire”) give him instant credibility. Also on hand is Michael Cerveris, the brilliant stage actor (“Tommy,” the recent Broadway revival of “Sweeney Todd”), who plays Mr. Tiny, a porcine provocateur who entices Steve over to the Vampaneze in his quest to stir up trouble in the underworld.

The trouble with “The Vampire’s Assistant” is that it is almost all prologue and exposition. It lays out, at some length and yet only in part, an intricately crosshatched set of dramatic problems. Will Steve and Darren become mortal — or undead — enemies? Why do the Vampires and the Vampaneze hate each other so much? Ideally, the opener of a many-sequeled series should create an almost unbearable need to know the answers to such questions, so that fans count the months to the next installment.

Instead, this movie incites curiosity tinged with confusion and irritation. It bristles with interesting ideas — about friendship and freakishness, honesty and anger — and intriguing characters, all of which may blossom in later episodes. But the pop-culture landscape is littered with scuttled or suspended fantasy series, including “The Chronicles of Narnia,”“The Golden Compass” and those Lemony Snicket novels. “Cirque du Freak” seems to be at some risk of joining them, since “The Vampire’s Assistant” tests its viewers’ patience even as it strives to build their loyalty.

“Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). It has some grisly and scary moments.

CIRQUE DU FREAK

The Vampire’s Assistant

Opens on Friday nationwide.

Directed by Paul Weitz; written by Mr. Weitz and Brian Helgeland, based on the “Cirque du Freak” series of books by Darren Shan; director of photography, James Muro; edited by Leslie Jones; music by Stephen Trask; production designer, William Arnold; special effects and creature effects by Alex Gillis and Tom Woodruff Jr.; produced by Lauren Shuler Donner, Mr. Weitz, Ewan Leslie and Andrew Miano; released by Universal Pictures. Running time: 1 hour 49 minutes.

WITH: John C. Reilly (Crepsley), Ken Watanabe (Mr. Tall), Josh Hutcherson (Steve), Chris Massoglia (Darren), Jessica Carlson (Rebecca), Ray Stevenson (Murlaugh), Patrick Fugit (Evra the Snake Boy), Willem Dafoe (Gavner Purl), Salma Hayek (Madame Truska), Orlando Jones (Alexander Ribs), Frankie Faison (Rhamus Twobellies) and Michael Cerveris (Mr. Tiny).

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

DMtH review


..Wilmington On Movies
..MCN Weekend

Wilmington on DVDs
Drag Me to Hell

U. S.; Sam Raimi, 2009 (Universal)

Drag Me to Hell, from Sam (“SpiderMan”) Raimi, is a terror fest in his Evil Dead mode and gear: a scary movie that’s really scary and a horror flick that, despite a hell-bound plot that‘s not too original, managed to keep the audience with whom I saw it in the theater, jumping and screaming -- and then laughing and applauding after each fresh jump and scream, all the way to the last shot.

I won’t say I was one of the screamers. But I did jump more than once -- and I’ve seenDavid Lean‘s Great Expectations, Brian De Palma’s Carrie and the Evil Deads andRosemary‘s Baby and the like, so I knew what to expect.

Here‘s what we get. Alison Lohman is young bank office manager Christine Brown, who’s in competition with office sneak Stu Rubin (Reggie Lee), both bucking for a promo from fake-kindly boss Mr. Jacks (David Paymer). Mindful of the mortgage crisis (the movie has incredible crash timing) tells her not to be too nice. So unlucky Christine denies a mortgage payment extension to the fiercely unkempt, raggle-toothed and gnarly-nailed Mrs. Ganush (played by Lorna Raver, the big hit of a very good cast) -- who begs for more time so she won’t lose her home, and pulls out her gooey false teeth when the stunner Christine confers with Jacks and comes back to refuse the extension. Then, as they say, all Hell breaks loose.

Hell hath no fury like an elderly mortgage victim. Despite the best efforts of touchy psychic Rham Jas (Dileep Rao), of fellow Satan victim Shaun Sen Dena (Babel‘sAdriana Barraza) and stalwart fiancĂ© Clay Dalton (Justin Long) -- who keeps, however, going home at inopportune moments -- Christine is in for some really bad times. (President Obama might consider requiring all bank executives be forced to watch Drag Me to Hell once a week until they loosen credit.) But I think I should shut up about the rest. I will however advise cat-lovers of possible havoc to their sensibilities. And the kitten doesn’t suffer as long as the bank officer.

Another caveat. Drag Me to Hell is a terrifically entertaining movie, though it’s clearly offensive to some of the audience, and though the script, by Sam and Ivan Raimi, is no great shakes. But the direction is gruesomely fabulous. And, as with Nightmare on Elm Street, there’s a jocular air to it all that keeps the movie amusing as well as horrific. Give the devil his due -- which was certainly missing in the much harder-trying Angels and Demons.” This movie -- I can’t help it -- may hand you a hell of a time.
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Zombi Pub Crawl

Zombie Pub Crawl: Tales of survival and insobriety

A horde of costumed zombies gathers in Gold Medal Park prior to the pub crawl.A horde of costumed zombies gathers in Gold Medal Park prior to the pub crawl.

The anarchic chaos of Zombie Pub Crawl reached almost unmanageable numbers Saturday night, as all good zombie swarms should. Lines at the participating downtown, West Bank, and Seven Corners bars kept the 5,000+ zombies in attendance shuffling in the cold, waiting to get their maws on some delicious brains. Every bar along the crawl reached capacity before 10 p.m., with dozens of costumed, fake-blood-drenched revelers waiting outside to get inside for bands and zombie-themed specials like the Acadia Cafe’s "blood and baby flesh"—rum punch and turkey legs.

In addition to the sounds of car horns (zombies tend to disobey anti-jaywalking laws) and the constant clamoring for brains, the night was flooded with the sounds of many evil local bands, including Satanic surf-rock combo Lusurfer at the Nomad, dark cabaret band Butcher’s Bag at the Acadia, and rappers MC/VL at the Cabooze. At Palmer's, Cadillac Kolstad was one of the highlights of the night, raucously banging out foul-mouthed blues with his backing band The Flats, local legend Cornbread Harris, and a zombie burlesque dancer shaking her moneymaker on the piano. The packed Palmer’s bar cheered loudly for encores and brains throughout the night. At the 501 Club, Gay Witch Abortion made sure the crowd's eardrums were just as dead as they were, pulverizing the zombie hordes with their blistering noise-rock. Drummer Shawn Walker did his best to fend off a zombie who attempted to play his cymbals with a severed hand.

Zombie reporterAs costumes go, of course, merely being a zombie was just the baseline for many of the more creative participants. Clever variations on the theme included clown zombies, Mario and Luigi zombies, Santa Claus zombies, and an MC Hammer zombie (complete with questionable zombie blackface). A pair of Mormon missionary zombies shambled in the Seven Corners area complete with white shirts, black ties, and bike helmets, and one enterprising group had redone the entire main cast of The Wizard Of Oz in undead form.

Amid the throng of zombies there were a few human "survivors" as well, doing their best to (pretend to) fight back against the carnivorous undead, some resorting to camping atop bus shelters and firing shots at the undead with a Nerf gun. But as the officialZPC web site clearly states, “unlike many zombie movies, at the pub crawl the zombies always win. Always.” By the time the crawl-ending concert at the Cabooze was over, the thirst for brains (and booze) was, at least temporarily, quenched.

Zombie fight

Zombie fight

Zombie eating hand

Zombies on the bus

HellBilly2

Rob Zombie To Release 'Hellbilly Deluxe 2' Nov. 17

October 13th, 2009 9:04pm EDT Post a comment 1 comment Add to My News

Rob Zombie Hellbilly Deluxe 2Hellbillies rejoice, the master of monster mayhem, Rob Zombie, is returning with exactly what you've been waiting for, "Hellbilly Deluxe 2"! The follow up to the 1998 triple platinum smash "Hellbilly Deluxe" will be the latest masterpiece from Zombie which is set to hit stores November 17th. The album, produced by Rob Zombie himself, features the first single "What?" which has just been made available for fans to check out.

In support of the new album Zombie will blast off on tour in Phoenix, AZ on October 29th, Las Vegas, NV on the 30th, and a very special Halloween event on the 31st in Hollywood, CA hosted by Uncle Seymour Coffins also seen recently in Halloween 2. Zombie will be accompanied by his longtime band mates -guitarist John 5, bassist Piggy D, and drummer Tommy Clufetos. This is the first headline tour since 2007 and will have other ghoulish delights in tow including openers Nekromantix and Captain Clegg & the Night Creatures last seen rocking Haddonfield and Michael Myers in Zombie's new film "Halloween 2". The tour will usher in Zombie's forthcoming album "Hellbilly Deluxe 2 - Noble Jackals, Penny Dreadfuls and the Systematic Dehumanization of Cool" (Geffen), a companion to the 1998 original.

Selling over fifteen million albums worldwide, Zombie is one of Geffen Records' top selling and the longest running artists on the label. He has written and directed five feature length films, directed dozens of high profile music videos, contributed recordings to multiple soundtracks, and authored several comic books. "Halloween 2" (2009) took hold of the box office recently, following-up his record breaking blockbuster re-imagining of "Halloween" in 2007. In 2005, Zombie assaulted the film world with the critically-acclaimed "The Devil's Rejects" (Lionsgate), the follow-up to his already cult classic "House Of 1,000 Corpses" (Lionsgate 2004).

Rob Zombie pictures

Image © Geffen Records


- Click here for more great Rob Zombie pictures! -

Track Listing:
1. Jesus Frankenstein
2. Sick Bubblegum
3. What?
4. Mars Needs Women
5. Werewolf, Baby!
6. Virgin Witch
7. Death and Destiny Inside The Dream Factory
8. Burn
9. Cease to Exist
10. Werewolf Women of the SS
11. The Man Who Laughs


Listen to "What?"


Rob Zombie Tour Dates
Oct 29 Dodge Theater - Phoenix, Arizona
Oct 30 The Pearl - Palms Concert Theater - Las Vegas, Nevada
Oct 31 Hollywood Palladium - Los Angeles, California
Nov 1 The Grove - Anaheim, California
Nov 3 San Jose Events Center - San Jose, California
Nov 5 The Great Salt Air - Magna, Utah
Nov 6 The Fillmore Auditorium - Denver, Colorado
Nov 8 The Brady Theater - Tulsa, Oklahoma
Nov 10 Austin Music Hall - Austin, Texas
Nov 11 Verizon Wireless Theater - Houston, Texas
Nov 13 Palladium Ballroom - Dallas, Texas
Nov 14 Uptown Theatre - Kansas City, Missouri
Nov 15 The Pageant - St. Louis, Missouri
Nov 16 Murat Theater - Indianapolis, Indiana
Nov 17 Akron Civic Center - Akron, Ohio
Nov 19 Eagles Ballroom - Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Nov 20 Roy Wilkins Auditorium - St. Paul, Minnesota
Nov 21 Val Air Ballroom - Des Moines, Iowa
Nov 22 Aragon Ballroom - Chicago, Illinois
Nov 24 Broadbent Arena - Louisville, Kentucky
Nov 25 The LC Pavilion - Columbus, Ohio
Nov 27 The Fillmore Detroit - Detroit, Michigan
Nov 28 The Sound Academy - Toronto, Ontario
Nov 29 Metropolis - Montreal, Quebec
Dec 1 Hammerstein Ballroom - New York, New York
Dec 2 House Of Blues - Boston, Massachusetts
Dec 3 Mohegan Sun Arena - Uncasville, Connecticut
Dec 4 Electric Factory - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Dec 5 9:30 Club - WASHINGTON, Washington DC

Rob Zombie pictures

Image © Geffen Records


- Click here for more great Rob Zombie pictures! -



- Click here for more Rob Zombie pictures! -

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Orphan reviewed

Review: Orphan

August 3, 3:41 PM
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Courtesy of WB Pictures and Dark Castle Entertainment

What's with demonizing orphan children? Evil children is one of money-grubbin' Hollywood's favorite go to bad guys. And adopting an evil orphan? Fuhgedaboudit. What is it about the fear of inviting horror into the home through the form of a kid with no home? Call me old fashioned, but I think orphans and foster kids might be the one group of people in society who don't need to be demonized. They have it bad enough. What's wrong with Nazis? Everyone hates Nazis. Or zombies. Or aliens. All perfectly good groups to hate on. Maybe if the orphans were Nazi zombies. I'd go see Nazi Orphan Zombies From Mars.

Orphan, however, is not about an undead Martian Nazi foster child, but some 9-year old Russian girl named Esther with a secret. A secret that her foster parents would be very interested in (as well as the audience, the screenwriters are hoping). Since this movie has been released recently, and not everyone has seen it, here is a spoiler-free paragraph review (the secret will be divulged in the final paragraph):

Orphan ain't bad. At two hours, it's a horror film that takes it time and wallows in its own dread and angsty mood along the way. Vera Farmiga (15 Minutes) and Peter Sarsgaard (K-19: The Widowmaker) play Kate and John Coleman, a loving couple with two young children. A third, Baby Jessica, was stillborn and Kate is dealing with those emotional ramifications. They decide to look into adopting, and end up adopting very-mature-for-her-age Esther (Isabelle Fuhrman). Esther is oh so perfect and kind of weird and very polite and just about charms the pants of John and Kate. But not long after she gets to her new home, things tense up quite a bit. Bad things start happening around Esther, and Kate begins to think that there is something wrong with their new adopted child. And of course everyone at this time thinks about how great it would be if these adoption agencies had a returns department. Things did start going bad right away, would have been within thirty days of purchase. ("Excuse me, my Orphan is defective, she's pushing neighborhood children off of playsets and watches me and my husband have sex and, oh yeah, we suspect her of murder and arson...got the receipt right here.") So there's a good build up and after showing us some unsettling stuff mostly kept out of movies, father John is the only one not aware of Esther's evil. The family tears apart thanks to Esther's actions, and it's up to Kate to save everyone. The movie is pretty tense and kind of silly at times, but not too silly to diffuse all the scariness. Orphan feels more like a low-budget 1970's horror film than the horror films of today. Not bad if you're looking for a moody and kind of crazy couple of hours.

Spoiler-free review terminated: Orphan starts with a crazy scene, the kind of opening that's like getting slapped in the face. Hard. Kate has a nightmare stemming from her miscarriage, and it's a fairly horrible scene to watch (and horrible as in unsettling, not poorly made), including lots of blood, creepy doctors and a bloody baby (fun times!). An opening like that gives the feeling of "anything can happen" and when Esther starts lurking around and scheming against people, we already fear the worst. And director Jaume Collet-Serra doesn't shy away from some movie taboos. Esther holds a gun point blank at her brand new, young sister Maxine and asks if she wants to play a game (obviously roullette, and not the Las Vegas variety). The children hurt animals (both on accident and on purpose), adults hit kids and Esther shows a nun what's what with the aid of a hammer. The movie is pretty much a children in danger exploitation type of movie, and so much of the horror comes from the kids involved.

Vera Farmiga plays a very layered character, someone dealing with loss and also dealing with alcoholism, and she's still struggling over her husband's infidelity from ten years ago, and on top of that there's her own nearly-fatal mistake that she can't live down, and it's obvious she wants to be a good parent and does her best with her children, which makes it all that much harder when she goes to the orphanage with her defective orphan and a copy of the warranty. Isabelle Fuhrman is pretty amazing as Esther. She's rocking a subtle Russian accent through the whole movie, but Miss Fuhrman ain't Russian, she's from Washington D.C. Esther is a very mannered person, and can switch from pleasant and awesome to evil and sinister in the blink of an eye. She menaces Kate and John's other kids and comes across as a totally believeable miniature nutjob.

And the beauty of Esther's final secret is the simplicity of it. She's not a demon-child, possessed by the Devil and trying to raise Hell on Earth. She's not a monster or some sort of alien-shape-shifter or anything like that. She's just crazy. Oh, and she's actually 33-years old. Hypopituitarism does that sometimes. Make people stop growing, I should say, not go crazy. The explanation/twist isn't awfully out there, just a little out there, just enough to keep the whole thing humming along. And it doesn't take a lot of exposition to get this information across, which is always a plus (if the filmmakers feel the need to explain their evil. Sometimes movie evil goes best left unexplained). So Orphan is a well made and somewhat unsettling horror movie, with only a touch of goofiness (like glow in the dark neon paintings) and a slightly ridiculous "twist," and is one of the better horror films to come out this year (of course, outside of Drag Me To Hell, there really hasn't been any good horror this year, but whatever).


Author: Christopher Crespo

5 worst places to be when the Zombies attack

Top 5 worst places to be in a zombie outbreak

August 3, 7:42 PM
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Cover art for comic written by Max Brooks, due out Oct 6th.

While doing a little research for a different article, I stumbled across this on Random House, Inc.'s website.

Max Brooks, the mastermind behind The Zombie Survival Guide and it's "sequel", World War Z has transformed his Guide into a comicbook which will be released October 6th of this year. With an indefinite 2010 release date, World War Z is also being turned into a movie and is said to be "in development."

I don't know about you, but I personally am very excited about both of these announcements and have no doubt in my mind that both will be exquiste, especially if Max Brooks is helping with the movie even at all.

In light of this and in preparation of the upcoming premiere of George A. Romero's latest film, "Survival of the Dead" to be shown first during the Midnight Madness Screenings of Toronto's International Film Festival (TIFF), I decided it would be good to list off a couple places that you may not want to find yourself at when the inevitable becomes our reality.

No. 5: East, West, or South Towne Malls or any mall for that matter is a very bad place to be at when a zombie outbreak should occur, especially on a Friday or Saturday night. Think about how many people are at the mall on any given day and then think about the facts. You only have to be bitten once to turn into a flesh-eating corpse. If there are 200 or 300 people at the mall throughout the day, and one person stumbles in not feeling so well, not looking to "ripe" around the edges, someone out of this 300 mass is most likely going to try and help this person. The person in turn attacks his or her aid and so on and so forth until there is mass panic erupting throughout the mall and everyone is trying to go everywhich way, which causes traffic jams and people being pushed and shoved. This causes more people to be bitten and more panic and more attacks. Though it is survivable and if you keep your wits about you, you would be able to escape it, it's not a place I would advise visiting during this situation.

No. 4: Although it may seem like the best place to go, a church is one of the last places you want to find yourself in during the time of an outbreak. It's generally small structure and the fact that many other people will have the same idea as you will generate into a feeding ground for zombies. Pack too many people into a closed area with only a few decent ways out, add a horde of zombies blocking each of these exits, and you've got yourself a pickle. Climbing into the rafters and jumping out may seem like a good idea as any, but be careful of the jump. Land incorrectly and you're just as screwed as you were inside the church. Best to just stay clear at all costs.

No. 3: Any supermarket such as Copps, Woodman's, Super Target in Fitchburg, or the South Towne, two-story Super Wal-Mart with escalators and underground parking to boot are places to be heavily avoided as well. You need food for your pantry to help you wait out the infected for the next month or two? Too bad. You should have been doing that a long time ago, not waiting until the day of the occurance to decide maybe it would be a good idea after all to stock up. Going to any one of these supermarkets would be absolutely asinine and a sure way to get yourself killed or worst yet, being turned into one of the undead. Take a look at what happened to this Wal-Mart employee last year, and you'll understand why nothing more is needed to be said about this matter.

No. 2: UW school and its downtown home in a whole should be avoided at all costs. With 4200 courses offered and a total of 41,028 students attending, not to mention how many people are always walking the streets of downtown at all hours of the day, not including the homeless or those who work on State Street or any other part of the downtown area, it's a natural haven for walking corpses. Though there are a lot of places to hide up in, in fact, the downtown area, the University and all, is a very deadly place. To find yourself stuck here is to find yourself as good as dead. Whatever you do, if you think you see a zombie or someone acting a little funny, leave. Get out of the area as soon as possible and for the love god, don't stop to help anyone who may appear to be sick or injured. Otherwise find the nearest shop or dorm and board yourself in and claim it as your resting place, because there will be no getting out once the outbreak reaches the streets of downtown.

No 1: Finally, the very last place you never want to find yourself at during a zombie outbreak is also the most likely place for an outbreak to begin here in the city: UW's on-campus hospital, or any other hospital for that matter. This should be a common sense situation, but you would be surprised how many people actually feel the need to go to hospitals after an outbreak has begun, whether it is for actual treatment by a doctor or looking for pharmaceuticals to help "cure" the virus that caused this horrendous human anomaly in the first place. Ask anyone who has ever seen a zombie flick, ever played a game or read the zombie guide, and they will tell you, whatever you do, do not go anywhere near a hospital. If you're already there, find the nearest usuable weapon and fight your way out.

Hospitals are considered birthing grounds for zombies because what happens when you are injured or bitten by some raging lunatic? You go to the hospital to have it treated. By the time you make it to the hospital, you've already reanimated into a corpse and begin to wreak havoc on everyone around you, and they do the same after they all turn and so on until the whole hospital has been overrun and the doors are thrusted open for the undead to flood the streets of downtown and the rest of Madison. For your own safety and hope of not being added to the Darwin Awards list, it is of utter importance to remember not to go anywhere near a hospital in times of a crisis such as this.

To do so would be suicide.

For more info: Check out The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z at the nearest library, or purchase both from Amazon.com by clicking the approriate titles.
Author: Nicole Kuczynski